It's
funny how things come into our awareness. How our outer landscape
mirrors our inner landscape. This whole thing about dishonesty,
deceit and the search for truth that has been going on in my outer
world is, as always, a story of two parts. I realised this yesterday
when I looked out my window and saw a wild boar in the top of a Scots
Pine tree. Not a real boar of course but the shape of a boar created
by the needles. Curious I looked up the meaning of the wild boar
totem and to my amazement discovered the symbology of the totem is
truth, courage and confrontation. As I pondered this a wee while an
image of a boar rooting out a truffle of truth came into my mind (see
doodle below). Soon after other articles and images started to
mysteriously pop up on my Facebook page.
It began
to dawn on me that these messages weren't to do with vindicating my
own behaviour in a recent altercation with a mate although I am sure
my ego would love that to be the case. No these messages were telling
me something about my own inner landscape. They were telling me that
if I am to find my true self, my connection with the greater
consciousness, the divine, the universe, whatever you choose to call
it, I need to excavate through my own lies, dishonesty and deceit.
I now see
my obsession with finding out the truth as to what was going on
between my mate and I was ironic as I have hardly been living an
honest life myself. Me seeing him at times as being narcissistic was
merely a projection of the narcissist that lives within me. He is
part of my shadow. I was denying he existed because I didn't want to
accept and own my own shadow, yet in truth there is a narcissist
residing within all of us. We are after all beings of duality - yin
and yang. I find it interesting I label my narcissist he, may be that
says something about how I view men. (A note to self - further work
required on men and narcissism). Anyway I project my narcissist
because I fear him and cannot own him, yet in reality he probably
represents the most wounded aspects of myself. I am now going to do
what Rumi advises and welcome him into my human guest house with all
the emotions and feelings he brings for he has much to teach me.
The Guest
House by Rumi
This being human is a guest house.
Every
morning a new arrival.
A joy, a
depression, a meanness,
some
momentary awareness comes
as an
unexpected visitor.
Welcome
and entertain them all!
Even if
they're a crowd of sorrows,
who
violently sweep your house
empty of
its furniture,
still,
treat each guest honourably.
He may be
clearing you out
for some
new delight.
The dark thought,
the
shame, the malice,
meet them
at the door laughing,
and
invite them in.
Be grateful for whoever comes,
because
each has been sent
as a
guide from beyond.
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